Toast, toast, my Kingdom for hospital toast.

X-ray day x-ray day hooray hooray it’s x-ray day
(Credit: ‘The Gilet Song’ – V Jackson)

I had the smart idea of going for my x-rays and blood tests when stuff is active. So I am sat in the waiting room in absolute agony. I also haven’t had my morning cocktail, another planned brainwave of excellence.

The most irritating thing if you’re in a waiting room in excruciating pain is an idiot. Some little ratbag kept kicking the chair behind me thus banging mine. I controlled the urge to find out what x ray he was here for and standing on that area, but instead I moved seats.

His name was Something Bell. Says it all really.

The morning hasn’t been a complete shit show. I did treat myself to breakfast while waiting for the hospital to wake up. I won’t lie, I crave hospital toast. I am not sure what it is but I will put money on it being spread with pure magic. Even as I write this I salivate and ponder if it is ok to go get more toast before my next waiting room. Who knew toast could be so mouthwateringly sublime.

Had to take a break from typing to hold on to the chair next to me as pain shot through my torso. Should probably apologise to the occupant of said chair for the Wallace inspired grimace, quiet screaming and general inappropriate chair etiquette.

I think the world hates me at the moment. Waiting room #2… I stand patiently because a pregnant lady was gathering her bits and blocking the only spare chairs…

“Someone is sitting there” I hear behind me, I look at this cretin pointing at the empty chair next to her.

Yes I reply, I am waiting for … before I could finish my sentence she interjects with repeating her earlier directive. Clearly in my tired state I failed to notice I am wearing my ‘speak slowly, stupid person’ t shirt. Or maybe I put my clothes on wrongly after waiting room #1. Nope. None of the above. I reply again, with direct eye contact and clear pronunciation just in case she forgot to put her t shirt on… I am waiting to be able to sit down.

I mean chill out love, as if you’re so special I want to sit next to you anyway. Even your boyfriend is sat playing games on his tablet. Good luck to that unborn child.

This is what you get for being a nice person. Thankfully 66 was called and I was off to get my blood removed. Yeah in your face rude person I only waited 2 minutes.

Hot, bothered, moody and still broken I have zero interest in riding the crazy bus home. More money I don’t have to pay for medical appointment travel. Having an illness is a fulltime job without a salary. Like I said, the world hates me.

Heading home for some Hobnobs and a cry.


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