This week has made me somewhat pensive. A rollercoaster of emotions for sure.
I was reminded today of two key observations of human nature: people can be awful and some can save your life. I don’t necessarily mean the latter literally, but in my case I don’t think I would have made it through the tests of life if it wasn’t for certain folk.
I haven’t always been the best friend or family member I can be. I have missed important things, I have failed to keep in contact and I have generally gone off the radar. I won’t even dare to blame it all on the illness, but honestly I got distracted with work and with life and then time slips away. Before you know it you have lived away from home for 12 years, have a weird hybrid accent and you don’t even know your ‘home’ address.
To those who I lost along the way, I do apologise. These things are never intentional and hindsight allows us to see how being an adult really does take over. Hindsight also allows us to realise that some of us may have wasted 5 years of life and sacrificed far too much just to be chewed up and spat out by a chicken loving demon.
Let’s not lose ourselves in doom and gloom. I for one am actually blessed. I have some of the most amazing people in the world as actual friends. Friends that haven’t faltered when I have been a cow, been weak, emotional, or when I have been rubbish or selfish or drunk. When the illness hit I lost some who I thought at the time were best friends. Now I know that they had to go to pave the way for new additions. The steadfast, and they know who they are, may actually never realise how important and valued they truly are and just how much I love them.
Family too, let’s not forget them. People make claims on other people, like a family name or a bloodline gives rights. I disagree. Family is about unconditional love. It for me includes the aforementioned friends and most of my clan. Personally, I realised who is in that category when the proverbial hit the fan. I have had 2 major stays in hospital recently, the real heroes came out then. To those who visited, contacted & made an effort, I thank you, sincerely. I had an emotional moment with Mum in one ward because I realised how loved I am.
There are memes a plenty about this sort of behaviour. One of the truest truths for me is that it’s the people who are there cheering you on as you’re losing that are the ones to care about, not those who only show up when you’ve won.
I’m not sure if I will ever win. I am sure that I am deafened by the cheering and that is the only prize I will ever need.