What Doesn’t Kill You… (Makes Me Weaker)

Two major irritants face me this morning. The first is that I am in an obscene amount of pain and said pain increases during movement. The second is that I really need a wee.
As someone who experiences pain on a daily basis, it should be noted that my threshold is naturally higher. Standard pain of about 4/5 is probably a normal day for me. Always poses a difficult discussion when those medical people ask you to rate your pain. It’s an almost impossible task, pain is relative. My perception of 10 might be someone else’s 55 and another’s 4.

Today is more a 55.

Welcome to the epic vicious circle. I need my morning cocktail and need it laced with pain relief. To do that one requires sustenance, but one cannot move. Cannot have cocktail without sustenance, so my agony continues. My need to visit the lavatory is becoming fairly severe also.

This is occurring because I insist on trying to have a normal life. Going back to work after some time off has taken its toll. That plan backfires spectacularly though when I can’t even make myself a beverage, breakfast or any equally menial tasks.

The worst bit for me is that I am having to cancel plans. Plans that were made some time ago, have cost me money and that were providing the light to my tunnel. This causes immeasurable pain.

Before I completely capsize in to a sea of misery I would greatly appreciate a delivery of hash browns, chocolate Hobnobs, buttery toast, tea and a bucket.


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