Insomnia Please Release Me 

Just in case anyone has been enticed in to a false sense of security by today’s title. I will confirm that there is no making of mad love on the beach or tearing of ones tights with teeth or otherwise.

Glad we cleared that up.

When people ask, ‘what is it like?’, I never know how to reply.

As I lay here for the 4th or 5th night of poor/no/broken sleep, with various pains and ailments, this is what I should remember. This is what it is.

I am exhausted beyond any normal comprehension of the word. It’s not a layman type exhaustion, it’s a deep rooted internal physical and emotional type.

This carries on as pain. Pain across my body. Inside my body. Inside my head. It feels like tiny people are inside me stapling my kidneys and using my heart as a punch bag. Intense pain sweeps across me, my back, my sides, my abdomen. My hands and wrists keep locking, almost cramp like but not at the same time.

There is a party in my head that I haven’t been invited to. I just get the drumming, the annoyance – like the only neighbour not invited to a party in my own house.

My eyes aren’t working. It’s a mix between drunk style blurred vision and then wiping them with sandpaper. Uncomfortable is an understatement.

A month ago I put a written request in to my GP for an urgent referral to a specialist professor in Hammersmith. I know that each of us have a different perception of what urgent entails, but I am pretty sure that the entire cast of this Comedy Of Errors we call life will agree that urgent is less than 4 weeks.

I have to take regular breaks between typing because my forearms are hurting. Sneaky insight in to the pitfuls of a teenage boy.

This isn’t every day fun and frolics. We like to mix it up over here. Sometimes it’s an arm playing up, sometimes it’s a leg and sometimes I completely lose hearing just as Bake Off starts. Tremendous fun. Sometimes my nose bleeds, or my mouth or my head. I might wake up with mysterious bruises or rashes or ulcers. It really does keep you on your toes, apart from earlier as one of my toes really hurt and I wouldn’t be able to stand on them for long.

Oooh for added fun I thought I would share this checklist. Yes, you are not dreaming. There is a bonafide tick box exercise to measure the activity of my disease.

Degrading much. And no, I do not have any of -‘those’.


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