Sweet Pain of Mine

I don’t know the answer, or even how I sway, but what hurts more do you think; physical or emotional?

Monday delivers both. The pain is frankly unbearable and my breakfast has been tea and tramadol. I’m not unaware of my emotional pain, but it certainly isn’t outweighing atm.

As much as I spend a majority of my days in pain, I do not and have not ever disregarded any one else when suffering.

Pain is relative. Pain is an unwelcome guest for anyone. I don’t agree that my friends or family aren’t allowed to feel poorly or complain of a headache just because I feel like I do. Quite the contrary, I think I am more understanding than most. I know how debilitating pain can be.

There is a big but, and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny.

Slight tangent aside, the big but is ignorance. To the ignorant relative, the ignorant friend, I lack understanding and I lack compassion. These treats are like respect, you need to give it to earn it. To those ignorant folk who allege that you lack any idea of their situation, I can but chortle at the audacity. Ignorance is never, ever bliss.

My pain threshold, pre nazi disease, was always fairly low. Naturally I believe I can now withstand lego attacks in a similar way to IronMan. This is why I say pain is relative and it really is. Then so is energy and exertion levels too. This is where understanding is important and ignorance fails miserably.

Emotional pain, in any guise, is different. It is poison. Not just speaking for myself here, for any of us. This is why I personally like to rid my life of poisonous people. Human nature is that we absorb that which is around us. So I like to have positive and nice people in my circle and eradicate those who are the opposite. Not literally, of course, this isn’t The Purge. Nor am I completely unforgiving, I am actually (despite common misconceptions about my personality) really rather patient and forgiving, often giving a person around 75 chances to stop being vile and often making excuses for poor behaviour.

Emotional pain is healed by those people who are more precious than gold. To the people who bring you breakfast in bed when you have a bad day, to the people who suprise you with an unexpected token of love or to the precious best friends who love you unconditionally, despite having met every single skeleton you have. These are the ones who keep me living 💖



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